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  • Monalisa Roy

How to fall in love with yourself!

Updated: Dec 9, 2019

Importance of Self Love


How long do you think it takes us to name ourselves while listing out the things we love?

We all know what self-love is. We all know we should love ourselves. But how many of us actually love ourselves in the truest sense?


Once I read “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”

– Brené Brown


And I totally agree to this!


Let’s try out this exercise. Go ahead. Write down all the things you love that can include what you love doing, what you love listening too. Write anything you want. Getting stuck aren’t you?

Too often we run out of the list of things we love. The blessings. The things that add value. And more often than not, we count all the things that are wrong with our lives. Can you think of one day when you didn’t complain? I don’t think so. Because we do it every day.


We complain about getting late. We complain about not having enough money. Not having enough clothes. Not having enough. We forget to realize that we have more than enough to sustain ourselves.



As humans we are keen on wanting more. We think that if we buy that house or if we earn more money, we will be the happiest. We shall ask for nothing more. Believe me when I say that I have said it to myself every time I wasn’t content with what I had. We think all our worries would go away if only we could achieve that target. But we fail to realize that the moment we achieve that goal we will come up with a new goal. We will convince ourselves that this will make us happier. Damn, the vicious and never ending circle.


Let me tell you what self-love is. First, it’s about being content. It’s about telling ourselves that we have more than enough to go on. Life is all about ups and downs and we should embrace it equally.


I understand that sometimes, accepting the lows of life can be hard. How can you ever be content with the fact that the one you loved the most, just left? How can you ever convince yourself that you are okay when you are lagging behind on payments? Or if your father is sick?


These events happen. It’s a part of our learning process. According to studies, it is estimated that 1.5 million children have lost one or both of their parents by the age of 15. We all have to grieve the loss of a loved one. We all have broken up with someone we really loved. We all know how it feels.


This is where self-love comes. We have to know how to keep it together anyway. Self-love is when we are keener on making better decisions and nurture our well-being despite what is going on around us.


Imagine this! How would it feel if you loved yourself the way you loved the love of your life? How would it be different? How would you do things differently? Will you be kinder towards yourself? Will you grow more compassionate? Will you tell yourself that you still love you even though you behaved rudely with that person?


Feels good doesn’t it? I felt extremely relieved when I first realized that it was okay when I first made that rookie mistake. (Sshhhh….can’t tell you guys. It’s a secret). As I lay awake that night I told myself that I still loved myself even if I made mistakes. Unconditionally and irrevocably. It took some time to believe it but eventually I did.


The way I see self-love and its importance



Baby steps

The most important thing to keep in mind is that you simply can’t rush it. You have spent years disliking your body, the way you look or perhaps your hair. Or the way you are. That’s gonna take some time to dissolve away. You have to take one thing at a time. Make a list. Start by doing something you love each day. If you love reading books, read a chapter every day. If you love painting, inculcate that into your everyday schedule. Or if you simply don’t want to do anything at all, you just want to stay back home and binge watch Netflix. Please. By all means, do so!


I have done it myself. I just didn’t feel like going out. I wanted to stay at home and do what I want to do. This is very important because it says that you are comfortable being with yourself.


So go ahead. Move. Do what you love. Bring yourself back to life.


Understand the power of control



Understand the power within you. What are the thoughts you are giving importance to? Is it serving you in any way? Is it making you sad or happy? Whatever you give power to will control you. The goal is to take back your control.

Meditate. Listen to guided meditation. I promise you it helps. When I find it hard to control my thoughts and I feel overwhelmed mostly I listen to the sound of rain. It calms me down.

It will take some time. Self-love is a process. Have patience with yourself. You have the power to control your thoughts.


An on-going process





Self-love is an ongoing process. We can never achieve it in a day or a year. Be committed to your well-being. Promise yourself that you will do the best you can. You have to keep on practicing it every day. And sometimes you will fail. Sometimes you will break.


That’s life.


We’ve all been through it. And we’ve all successfully learned the lesson.



This year has been a wonderful journey for me. I have learned so much. Gained a lot of wisdom. Traveled to places. Met interesting people. I didn’t realize it then but now I know how to love myself. I know what to allow in my life. I choose what I want to deal with and that really makes me happy. I am in the process too. So whoever is in this process join hands with me. Share your experience. I want to know about your journey as well.


So if you are wondering how to proceed with self-love, start with telling yourself “I love you” in front of the mirror and see how that feels. Were you able to believe it? If not, keep going.



Keep going. Keep it together anyway!

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